posted on: Tuesday, August 13, 2013
well my lady, my heart face, my posy, my little one, this has been a couple of interesting months for me your ever-loving but somewhat weary mama.
you are so full of smiles, delightfulness and more new words everyday that I thankfully tend to focus on those and not on the other parts.
the other parts are quite trying.
For a few weeks I had started to feel a film of sadness wash over me. Just a day-to-day vague emptiness spiked with flurries of activity that I was starting to feel were hardly worth the effort.
Staying at home with a toddler is so hard but this 'so hard' is so hard to describe because it's just...nothing. It's just the daily routine but with more. More feistiness, more noise, more demands. Toddlers are demanding. And my toddler right now is adventurous and into everything.
Take the other day. I got home from doing a food shop and was helping the kiddo with something or other for all of two minutes, probably less. The lady trotted off to the kitchen.
When I walked into the kitchen with the grocery bags she was at the sink. Standing on the kiddo's stool. Little head back. Dishwashing detergent nozzle poised at her lips.
I rushed over, turned on the tap, scooped her up and washed her mouth saying, 'Yucky, yucky, yuck.'
She happily stuck her tongue out to be washed and repeated (with mouthfuls of water and I assume detergent), 'Yucky! Yucky!'
Then I rang the poisons line.
They said she may have gastro symptoms for a couple of hours but after looking up the brand of detergent said she'd be fine.
'Great,' I said.
She was totally fine.
Spilt milk, food thrown, poo in places poo shouldn't be, tipping over siblings' toys, squealing then crying if someone else has a toy she wants. Crying for a cuddle, crying just because.
You get the picture. Just typical kid stuff. And all the while I usually stay calm. On the outside. The moment passes. It's all par for the course.
Because then there are all those adorable squinty-eyed, chubby-cheeked, teeth-bared grins and deep belly laughs.
Those pudgy arms open wide, fat fingers splayed reaching for a cuddle. The lit-up face when I come into the room and call of, 'Mama!' with a big, big smile. The arms wrapped around my neck, the little legs and their vice-like grip around my torso as she buries her head in my neck and announces gleefully again and again, 'Mama!' I don't kid myself that anyone will be this excited to see me ever again.
It's like a love miracle.
Which is exactly why it's hard to look back on the day and comprehend that all those trying moments take a toll.
I think the mister said it so well when he said this age is 20% fun and 80% whinge. I felt so relieved when he said that. It's not just me. I thought. Phew.