pondering : this time (will never happen again)

posted on: Monday, July 22, 2013

The kiddo is in kindergarten now and the teenager is 16. The baby of the family is a toddler but she's still at that squishy-cheeked, chubby-wristed stage that exists under the banner of babyhood. She has a few more years before she gets sharper angles and thinks of eye-rolling her parents.

I can find something to appreciate at every stage of my children's lives, but it doesn't stop me wanting to document what's happening right now until the cows come home. I'm so conscious that this time will never happen again. Ever.

I sift through the copious folders of photographs stored on our computer. I slide back in time and see my middle child on that day at the bookstore that feels to me as if it were yesterday.

But when those pictures were taken the lady wasn't even born. He was the baby with the chubby cheeks and pudgy hands. He was the toddler with his trademark mop of dark hair and shoes on the wrong feet.

*      *      * 

Lately I've been thinking about where I'm going with this blog. There's been a lot of posts about being real on the tubes, and while this space has never been too much about my personal life, the talk definitely makes me consider where I stand in matters of parenting, self- representation and family.

One thing's for sure, I'm grateful that having this space has led me to take even more photos of my family than I would've without it.

Sometimes I think this is the best time of my life. Other times it's pretty hard.

At the good times I think, 'remember this and let it carry you through when you feel sad.'

There was a time in my life when I thought mediocrity was death. That's embarrassing to admit. I guess I was about my son's age. Do all teenagers think like that? But as my twenties wore on all I wanted was to be normal. Average.

And I realised that normal and average were not so easy to come by.

I guess that's just life. I'm lucky that sometimes I feel like this time with these kiddos of mine and the mister, our family, my friends and our safe life in Sydney is the best.

*       *       * 

Recently we've had a change of leadership in this country. I used to be a solid fan of ole Kevin when he was Kevin 07. I thought he was the leader we'd been waiting for to help Australians put aside all the sad ideas; the fear and the racism. But now he's come out with his unbelievable announcement that no asylum seekers who arrive by boats will be settled in Australia and I'm almost at a loss for words. Except I'm not because I'm posting this now.

{this picture was taken on the teenager's 16th birthday when he and I taught the kiddo how to play monopoly for the first time. do you remember the first time you played? do you remember your 16th birthday? what were you doing? are you as sad about the government's recent stance as I am? or not? I'd love to hear.}


  1. I am sad about it, but I think, hope and pray there is method in his madness. I tend to think he's catering to the racist masses (who believe these people are jumping an imaginary queue and believe what they hear in the mainstream press (Murdoch et al) feeding the fears.) So that he can win and Kevin and the ALP are a much better alternative to Tony and his band of mugs. I hope that should Kevin win office again that he changes his tune on this and accepts and integrate refugees into society asap so they can contribute and have a decent life in comparison to what they've experienced so far in life. Kate

    1. thanks for your comment kate, I'm actually having trouble believing that it's even been proposed by the ALP. I keep waiting to hear the punchline.

      It's almost incomprehensible to me that our country and our government keep on with the border security crap. people who are fleeing persecution will leave their country because their situation is so, so bad that it's worth risking whatever they face on the sea and in the detention centres to find safety here in aus.

      90% of asylum seekers who come by boat are genuine refugees. they deserve the basic human right of living in safety. it is our moral responsibility to help them. why is this so hard to understand?

      this is a quick myths/facts summary here: http://www.ajustaustralia.com/info/mythsfacts.php

  2. I'm sad about it too. So sad. And ashamed. And horrified, that it is happening in our names, on our watch. I have a 1yr old daughter and recently I've begun to wonder what sort of role model I could be to her. How will she look at me when she's old enough to see the individual beyond her mummy. I too have strived for a level of normal in my life and that's been fine. But now, for her, I want to be more. I don't look forward to having to somehow explain this dark period of Australian politics to her. If Kevin has a method Kate, he is using real lives to make the point. Babies too.

    There is no easy solution here but if the default human response can't be one of compassion when all other reasoning and rationalisation fails, then I'm not sure how we can ever explain this to our children. Antonia

  3. I used to be so proud to be Australian, right now I am embarrassed to say this is my country the country that would do this to people in need.

  4. at the kiddo's school today one of the grade 5 kids did a great speech at assembly about the human rights of refugees, it was really wonderful and afterwards the parents cheered loudly -- I felt quite heartened by that.


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