this parenting caper : sacrifice

posted on: Wednesday, June 19, 2013


In the early hours of the morning we bathe together. You lean your head on my left arm and sit your full weight on my right forearm. We turn together in the warm water. You are heavy against my body and so uncharacteristically still. I'm reminded of my pregnancy. Not the stillness so much as the togetherness. When, after the first decision, I had no choice but to carry you.

Then after your birth the more enigmatic emotional choices started. How much would I sacrifice and when? Many of the decisions happened subconsciously or spontaneously but many more were thought-out and pre-planned.

Sacrifice. As all of you grow it becomes so much easier in many ways. Although as I parent your eldest brother I still find myself asking how much I should give and how much I should let go. There is no right or wrong answer for me yet. Maybe never.

But this I know: it doesn't get any sweeter than this moment bathing in the warmth with 17 month-old-you. You fit perfectly with me right now. You won't always, that's as it should be.

Soon my arm tires and a little after that I tell you we're going to get out of the shower.

I don't know how you feel about the little extra that I give. But I know I feel better for it, grateful that I can do it. It won't always be the case. But today, right now, it is.

Photo by Cara Loren

10 comments:

  1. beautiful. all sorts of sweet mama tears. xo

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  2. Beautiful. And what a sweet, sweet gift it is to sacrifice for them.

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    Replies
    1. absolutely. I can't always do it, but when I can do it willingly and I have the space in myself to be generous it's the best. x

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  3. So sweet...I too love shower with my baby...there is something beautiful about that skin to skin cuddling.

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    1. isn't it lovely? I hopped in the bath with her soon after she was born, I think bathing together reminds me of that too :)

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  4. Beautiful post Bron!
    Sacrifice...that thing we sometimes run from, yet always yields a most rewarding return. Cheers to motherhood!

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  5. Oh it is so special while they still fit perfectly. My eldest recently asked why I tend to snuggle my youngest more on the lounge. I realised it's just natural because she is small enough to still curl up & fit on me. However even though my eldest no longer fits physically at age 6, with her longer body & legs, she still needs the cuddles & I have been reminded to give her those too. Motherhood. What a journey!

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  6. This is so heartwearming and made me teary... beautiful writing Bron

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