the bump : 25 weeks

posted on: Friday, September 23, 2011

the baby space bump at 25 weeks and five days. photo by the baby space man.

It can take time to find your feet as a family. We live in what I suppose is called a blended family. The teen and I were just us for many years before the man joined us and then we had our sweet preschooler nearly four years ago. Maybe in families that start off with two parents the power dynamic set at the beginning doesn't change too much as the years go by. I don't know (maybe you can tell me?).

When the man joined the (then) tween and I --and it was him joining us, we were already a family-- I felt quite protective. Of both of them. I didn't want my only child to feel displaced, or that he should automatically like and respect someone new just because I did. I didn't want him to feel he should have to treat the man like his dad. After all, he already had his own dad that he had, and still has, a very good relationship with.

At the same time I felt a little wary for the man. I didn't want him to feel excluded or that he couldn't exercise autonomous judgement in his own home because there was already a family dynamic there. And most of all, what I really didn't want, was for the teen to one day turn around and say those four horrible words to him in anger: You're. Not. My. Dad.
(p.s The man wasn't worried in the least about this happening -- just me.)

And so our family started as a gathering of separate relationships. Mine and the teen's, mine and the man's. Then the preschooler came along and of course we all adored him, but we still had our relationships with one another that were separate. I suppose in some ways, we always will.
Here's something though -- with the growing of this third (and final, for this family!) wee bub I've noticed the family changing.

Maybe it's just a coincidence; the teen is at an age where he is finding his independence and moving away from me and towards his mates (guess who is saving up for his first car!?) and the preschooler has obviously given the man and I practice at parenting together for nearly four years. No small feat ;)
Somehow the balance has shifted so that it no longer feels that there are several alliances but rather that the man and I are the parents together and the kids are...the kids.

Or maybe it's that family, blended or not, is not something that just is, but rather something that becomes.

At the moment, with the imminent arrival of this third baby, it feels that the individuals that make up our home are coming together as a family unit. It feels really, really nice. I feel so very fortunate.

So that's me, coming up to 26 weeks with the baby space baby. Just a wee bit grateful :)

Have a lovely weekend!

16 comments:

  1. Gorgeous Bron- both you & your words! I can only imagine that the dynamic will wax & wane over time. My husband & I were together for about 10 years before our little guy was born- we are also a bit older then many of my 3yr old's friend's parents. So our family of 3 is pretty tight right now. I'm curious how that will change over time. Have a great weekend. BEAUTIFUL photos...

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  2. You look amazing Bron!! You belong on the cover of Cosmo Pregnancy :) Beautiful photos. It sounds like everything is coming together for your little family. So glad there is so much excitement over your new bub's arrival xx

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  3. You look beautiful Bron. And I love what you wrote though it's *still* extremely hard for me to believe you're a mom to a teenager who's saving up to buy his first car! Incredible. Love your insight. Have a lovely weekend!

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  4. such a lovely post, thank you for sharing. Can you please tell how you feel about the difference between than tween and the newborn (now preschooler)? Hubby and I are thinking of waiting a bit more than a few years between our babes and are curious of others with children with a rather large age difference. We are grateful to be in a situation were we have the choice of postponing.

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  5. Such wonderful words and beautiful photographs! You look great mama :)

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  6. What wonderful pictures! Just beautiful! I am so happy for you and your family that the dynamic is great now. It is wonderful to hear!

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  7. A very lovely post Bron,
    Best wishes to you &yours.

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  8. Congratulation gorgeous Bron!
    Truly blessed you are!!

    xo*

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  9. Beautiful post. And what a gorgeous bump! All the best x

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  10. Thank you for your kind words lovelies!

    NK -- There's a 10 year age difference between the teen and the preschooler so when the younger was born is was a bit like starting over again for me but surprisingly the boys have always played with each other and get along beautifully. Plus, the teen can be a huge help which is a bonus. And as their needs are so different they haven't really had to compete for parental attention or time. It's pretty cool really :) Will be interesting to see what happens with our new addition!

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  11. Wow, you looks so beautiful xo

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  12. You look absolutely amazing Bron. Growing beautifully that belly bump of yours. How lovely that all the men in your life get on so well. You seem to have a beautiful loving family and how wonderful that you can feel the love will keep growing with the arrival of your bubba.

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  13. Such a warming post Bron. Ben and I were talking last night about our little family becoming three and already it seems strange to imagine it any other way. No matter how families are built up, they're the most important and amazing things, and i'm so happy that yours is taking shape so beautifully.

    Oh, and you're looking freakin' gorgeous! That belly really seems to have popped now. As always, so happy to be sharing this journey with you lady xx

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  14. Beautiful photographs for you to cherish in the years to come. Wish I took pretty preggie photos, sadly I never did...:(
    Maureen

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  15. I mean. STUNNING. Truly, you glow. Just gorgeous....

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